Jamal is a cruel, shameless flirt
He says he does not mean to hurt.
But cute, muscled boys
Get treated like toys
And warm, salty tears are what squirt.
Dispatches from Nantucket
Your almost-daily source for quality limericks
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Sunday, March 18, 2018
My husband wore suits made of tweed
My husband wore suits made of tweed
Though quite clearly there wasn't a need -
He never went out
Just drank beer, laid about;
And they'd get badly soaked when he peed.
Though quite clearly there wasn't a need -
He never went out
Just drank beer, laid about;
And they'd get badly soaked when he peed.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Alberto developed a cyst
Alberto developed a cyst
On the spot that his wife always kissed;
Though at first an intrusion
This homely protrusion
Gave their love life a much-needed twist.
On the spot that his wife always kissed;
Though at first an intrusion
This homely protrusion
Gave their love life a much-needed twist.
Thursday, March 8, 2018
A geneticist who was a bonehead
A geneticist who was a bonehead
By accident cut off his own head
His ending was yucky
But his family was lucky -
You see, he'd already been clon-ed.
By accident cut off his own head
His ending was yucky
But his family was lucky -
You see, he'd already been clon-ed.
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
When Crystal camped out in a tent
When Crystal camped out in a tent
She decided it needed a vent
She'd eaten tureens
Of smoky baked beans
A choice she soon came to repent.
She decided it needed a vent
She'd eaten tureens
Of smoky baked beans
A choice she soon came to repent.
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Far be it from me to malign a
Far be it from me to malign a
Wise man who's an expert on China
He knows oracle bones
And the right spoken tones
But the guy's never seen a vagina.
Wise man who's an expert on China
He knows oracle bones
And the right spoken tones
But the guy's never seen a vagina.
Monday, March 5, 2018
Griselda puts ham 'n' cheese stuffin'
Griselda puts ham 'n' cheese stuffin'
Inside every poppy seed muffin
Inspiring the diners
To all become whiners
And go on Yelp, huffin' and puffin'.
Inside every poppy seed muffin
Inspiring the diners
To all become whiners
And go on Yelp, huffin' and puffin'.
Sunday, March 4, 2018
Your painting is tacky and lame
Your painting is tacky and lame
There's glitter all over the frame
And stars, pink and gold -
Though you're just five years old
These methods will not make your name.
There's glitter all over the frame
And stars, pink and gold -
Though you're just five years old
These methods will not make your name.
Saturday, March 3, 2018
On Wednesday the icy wind blew
On Wednesday the icy wind blew
On Thursday the stinging snow snew
On Friday came rain
Then snowstorms again -
Dear Momma Nature: Fuck you.
On Thursday the stinging snow snew
On Friday came rain
Then snowstorms again -
Dear Momma Nature: Fuck you.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Said a bright student named Jade, "Oh!"
Said a bright student named Jade, "Oh!
I'll do a school project on Plato!"
Teach' gave her a rave
And A+ on the cave
That she fashioned from handfuls of Play-doh.
I'll do a school project on Plato!"
Teach' gave her a rave
And A+ on the cave
That she fashioned from handfuls of Play-doh.
Monday, February 26, 2018
A Scotsman who went by "McManus"
A Scotsman who went by "McManus"
Often found reason to pain us
Over his haggis
He'd constantly nag us,
"My last name just don't rhyme with 'anus'!"
Often found reason to pain us
Over his haggis
He'd constantly nag us,
"My last name just don't rhyme with 'anus'!"
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