Tuesday, January 16, 2018

I ordered a plate of fried liver

I ordered a plate of fried liver
That started to squirm and to quiver
The pitcher of cream
Then emitted a scream
That made my spine stiffen and shiver.

Monday, January 15, 2018

There once was a crook, last name Claus

There once was a crook, last name Claus
Who flouted the trespassing laws
In the bleak dead of winter
He'd break and he'd enter
House after house, without pause.

Monday, December 4, 2017

"The meek will inherit the earth"

"The meek will inherit the earth" -
Norse gods greet this saying with mirth.
Booze, blood and coarse bragging
And loud, sweaty shagging -
These measure a deity's worth.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

The crew of a ship trapped in ice

The crew of a ship trapped in ice
Is prone to despair and to vice
With their food stores all wrecked
They begin to suspect
That shipmates taste better than mice.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

A widely loved circus of fleas

A widely loved circus of fleas
With its tumblers, its clowns and trapeze
One day came to repent
Cheaping out on the tent
When they died in a sharp, sudden breeze.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

There once was a fat green-gray toad

There once was a fat green-gray toad
Whose drugged mucus often would goad
Foolish lickers to try
To fly into the sky -
The toad's conscience bore quite a large load.

Eh. Twitter.

I've always said I'd never do it. But it works well for limericks.

https://twitter.com/QualityLimerick

My parents fed bagels and lox

My parents fed bagels and lox
To a live but mute head in a box
We all sort of knew-ish
This strange head was Jewish
Because he had curly sidelocks.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

A large, flying chunk of peach pie

A large, flying chunk of peach pie
Came to rest in my uncle's right eye
As he wiped off his head
He shrugged and just said,
"At least it won't go to my thigh."

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

A turkey escaped from the ax

A turkey escaped from the ax
Believed she could start to relax
But doom comes to all
Ape or fowl, large or small
And, turkey dear, them's just the fax.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

A pilgrim washed up on the shore

A pilgrim washed up on the shore
Saw a godly new land to explore
But snow, bear and Injun
Soon had that boy whingin',
"This country is cursed to the core!"